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How can newcomers to Denmark make Danish friends?

Michael Barrett
Michael Barrett - michael.barrett@thelocal.com
How can newcomers to Denmark make Danish friends?
Is being invited out to a bar with a group of Danish school pals the 'final boss' of making friends in Denmark? File photo: Olafur Steinar Gestsson/Ritzau Scanpix
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It can be hard for newcomers to Denmark to make friends with Danes, who have settled routines and longstanding friendship groups. So what can you do to come in from the cold?

We asked our readers in Denmark the question "how easy is it to make friends in Denmark?”

Perhaps more importantly, we also asked whether Danish friends are a crucial part of feeling settled and a sense of belonging in the country.

While there was general consensus on the view that making friends as a foreign newcomer to Denmark is hard but not impossible, there was real variation on whether you need them to get by and feel settled in the country.

For some, Danish friends can be vital for both practical or emotional reasons, while others saw it as being less important.

If you belong to the former group, but are finding Danes to be a closed-off prospect, here’s what our readers suggested you can do.

A common suggestion was to meet Danes on their own terms in a setting that doesn’t make them uncomfortable.

“Be patient, be friendly, make the first move, and the second, and the third. Talk to them, over and over, don’t give up and never take it personally if people don’t want to hang out with you,” wrote Marta in Aalborg.

“Don't interfere much in their lives... give them their own time to trust the bond with us,” said Kumar.

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“Keep meeting them in their own time and if that works fine, take the initiative to invite them,” wrote Viki, a Hungarian living in Copenhagen.

AGK, an Indian national who moved to Copenhagen, said it was important to be patient.

“Learn to consume alcohol socially with Danes and have an insane amount of patience,” they said.

That could take a while, though.

“It takes at least two years of being acquainted with a Dane before they would ever consider asking you out for a drink,” wrote Philip Toscano from New Jersey in the United States, who now lives in Vesterbro in Copenhagen.

Another very popular suggestion was to join a club or association of almost any kind, given the large prevalence of associations in Denmark and their popularity.

“Learn Danish and join some form of club or activity which allows for social interaction,” wrote Philip, who lives in West Jutland.

It is not easy to make Danish friends as a foreigner "unless you have a very specific hobby or interest, [where] there might be groups where you can make Danish friends," wrote Hybrè Davids who lives in Copenhagen.

This can include anything from "paddle, rowing, boardgames,” Hybré added.

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As well as joining a club and speaking Danish, some knowledge of the “do’s and dont’s of Danish culture” will go a long way according to Varghese from Kolding.

One of these ‘don’ts’ is badmouthing Denmark, PG from Czechia suggested.

“Avoid comparing or sharing your dislikes with the country, as some Danes seem to take it personally, almost as an attack on themselves,” they said.

A number of readers who got in touch with us advocated for the “be yourself” approach, giving Danes their own choice of opening up to new friendships.

“You should be friends with people you get along with and like spending time together, not because of their nationality and culture. You don't need your friends to be nationals of the country you live in to make you feel home,” said Maria from Greece, who lives in Copenhagen.

But if you really want to be sure of making friends with Danes, you might be a little bit late, Ivan from Copenhagen suggested.

Your two best options are to “join a sports club or be here when everyone was seven years old,” he wrote.

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